In my lifetime I have seen (& experienced) many relationships destroyed by technology. Here is a brief overview of ways in which technology has destroyed relationships in the last 30 years:
Quietly picking up the phone, pressing mute and eavesdropping on a conversation
Listening to your significant other’s voice mail and hearing troubling messages
Accidentally leaving an email account logged-in
MySpace (‘nuff said)
Stumbling upon a significant other’s internet history
Finding photos and text messages in a significant other’s phone
Finding out what was going down in the DMs
While this is not at all an exhaustive list; I am sure many of us have had some of these experiences occur.
It is important to note that all of these issues primarily exist because of people who would otherwise be cheaters anyway. But, additionally there is sociological evidence that suggests that the ways in which technology connects us combined with the increasing number of individual devices and accounts in some ways promotes infidelity. Having someone drop you a DM in your private account on an app that is on a cellphone that only you use which is password protected and has notifications turned off is FAR MORE discreet than having someone call your house, let the phone ring once and hang up. Sorry, it just is. Not to mention; Facebook has made it infinitely easier for an old fling, or for “the one that got away” to get in touch with you and rekindle old, unresolved feelings. Thus, more opportunities creates more incidents… it’s just a fact.
All these things considered, technology gets a pretty bad wrap when it comes to relationships; but it doesn’t have to be this way. While technology can definitely destroy relationships; Meeks and I represent the opposing vreality in which technology has not only made our relationship possible; but has enhanced it in so many ways. For starters; we are in that contingent of people who had an unresolved flame rekindled when we were reconnected by Facebook’s “People You May Know” algorithm. Thanks Facebook. No… really; THANK YOU FACEBOOK! Since then; even after dating and getting married; much of our relationship is still handled through Facebook and Facebook Messenger. As such; we LITERALLY have a written, pictorial, and video history of our relationship going all the way back to the day that Meeks sent me a friend request, and later Messaged me to say, “Hello Mr. Buckner.” I cannot tell you how amazing this is to have.
Needless to say; that for as madly in love Meeks and I are; and how beautifully-scripted our love story appears to be; it is reasonable to believe that this story doesn’t exist without technology. Since day one of our reconnecting; we have leaned on technology to enhance our relationship and move it forward. With that said; I would Like to share some ways that we have used technology to make our relationship better.
1. Photo Flirting
Let’s face it; everybody is busy now. Long work hours and busy schedules combine to keep couples apart longer now more than ever before. To supplement the lengthy hours in between seeing one another Meeks and I often randomly send pics to each other as we make it through our days. Not only does it provide numerous opportunities for us to remind one another of just how attractive we are, lol… it also brings us into the worlds that the other lives in when we are apart. I know what you’re thinking; “what kind of pictures Coco?” Well; that’s completely up to you. Let me just say, technology + a little privacy + comfort + the desire to keep your significant other hot for you equals fun photo ops. I’ll leave it at that.
Seriously though; sometimes I will literally just snap a pic of me at my desk working with the accompanying message, “thinking of you”. She will often reply with the same gesture; and BOOM… we just had a moment.
2. Media Sharing
One of the best parts of a relationship is seeing things together. In 2019; a lot of what we see lives in our phones and on social media websites. That makes it extremely easy for Meeks and I to share and discuss something funny or interesting that we see throughout the day. These become the “things” that we discuss and/or laugh about when we are back in each other’s presence. These “things” become the roots to our private and inside jokes. These also become tet “things” that spark our discussions on values, morals, etc that bring us closer together as a couple. This practice allows us the ability to share these moments together; as opposed to sharing all of that time, energy, and conversation with others that we encounter throughout the day.
3. Shared Photo Albums
One of the most amazing things that Meeks and I do together is maintain shared photo albums. We are an Android family, so we use Google Photos; and have a number of albums with pictures that each of us have taken from various stages and places in our relationship. We have a family photo album with us and all the kids starting from the time we began dating. We have another album with all of our pictures together since the beginning of our relationship; and individual albums from all of our trips, dates, birthdays, etc.
I cannot express how much of a bonding experience this is. I mean, honestly… words can’t express it. When we started the albums I expected it to be fun; but was caught off guard by all the other benefits that have been revealed by creating and maintaining these shared albums.
4. Open-ish Passwords
You knew this issue was going to be part of this topic. Meeks and I have a mostly open password policy. We don’t necessarily send each other our passwords every time we create or change one; but by in large, we are quick to handover a password if requested. Whether it’s because of a concern… or most likely something else; we generally don’t keep passwords from one another. This does a lot in a relationship to assure your partner that there is literally nothing to hide.
Does that mean we don’t think that couples should have private passwords? Absolutely not. It means quite the opposite. When you know that if you need a password you can expect to get it; there is literally no need for couples to try and feverishly remember all of each other’s passwords. It also helps if you don’t constantly find yourself in situations where you are continually checking your significant other’s accounts. Be it because accounts are generally logged in on specific devices that you have access to, the aforementioned propensity to share passwords when needed, or best of all… the trust levels and behaviors don’t warrant “checking up”; this type of arrangement really only works when you don’t constantly need each others’ passwords.
5. Inclusion
This I think sums up the best way that technology can make a relationship better. We now live in a world in which technology can bring people together in ways never imagined; while just as easily and efficiently it can isolate people. As such, we can now occupy the same space with someone every single night and leave them isolated from us for a world that doesn’t include them and exists in our phone, laptop or gaming device. That is HORRIBLE. Transversely; this same technology provides us with an opportunity to continually experience new worlds together from the ease and comfort of those same bedrooms. This is where inclusion comes in.
I am sure that by now you have noticed that Meeks and I very well represented as a couple online. Not as a forced measure; but we are living a life together. Therefore; at this point if we are going to share our individual lives online in any capacity it is next to impossible to exclude the other. That is, without it being an intentional effort. So while it is unintentional and natural for each of us to show up in the other’s timeline; it would have to be rigorously intentional and unnatural for there to be no inclusion of one another online.
Eve more so than what we do online; we include each other offline in our associations with technology. It is rather common for Meeks and I to lay in bed and scroll through one of our social media timelines together. That may not seem like a big deal to some of you all; but you can’t do that if you are following or connected to suspect people and content. You can only do this as often as we do when you aren’t concerned about what might pop up on your timeline, or having a random message come through while you all are looking at your phone.
Meeks’ social media feeds are cultivated by her to connect her to the people, places and things that shape her world. Likewise for mine. They are tailor made experiences for how we want to interact with the world. Her timelines and my timelines are VASTLY different in many ways; yet we find enjoyment laying in bed together and scrolling through on or the other of our Facebook or Instagram feeds. It usually stars by one of us showing the other something from our timeline; and then twenty minutes later we are cuddled up laughing about and discussing the John Christ video we just scrolled across. That points out just how compatible we are as a couple; but also how secure we are that there is nothing jarring to be revealed from our “private”, tailor-made internet lives for the other to stumble upon.
I hope that you all find this information helpful. There is no reason why technology needs to be vilified in relationships. I believe that Meeks and I are living proof that not only can technology be safe in a relationship; it can be used to vastly enhance them.
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